At some point in life, many of us notice that we are not living as freely as we could.
We react in ways we don’t fully understand. We repeat the same patterns. We feel emotions that seem bigger than the moment itself. It suggests that something is amiss, and there must be a reason for it. Usually, the reason hides in our childhood.
Why Knowing Your Trauma Doesn’t Set You Free
So we begin the search.
We go to therapy.
We read books.
We dive into childhood memories.
We sit in circles.
We drink plant medicine.
We look for the root.
And often, we find it.
A moment.
A memory.
An absence.
A wound.
A trauma that causes the pain.
There is relief in this discovery. Finally, something makes sense. The nervous system relaxes for a moment because the chaos has a story now.
“Ah, that’s why I’m like this.”
But this is also the moment where healing can quietly turn sideways.
Instead of becoming a doorway to freedom, the trauma becomes a label.
Instead of being something that happened, it becomes something we are.
Instead of forgiving and letting go, we attach to that event.
The identity forms gently, almost innocently:
“I’m afraid of being alone because I was abandoned.”
“I struggle with intimacy because I wasn’t held enough.”
“I can’t trust because my trust was broken.”
And all of this may be true.
When Healing Becomes the New Prison
Yet truth does not automatically equal transformation.
When fear becomes justified, it becomes protected.
When behaviour becomes explained, it becomes defended.
When pain becomes identity, it becomes familiar — and familiarity feels safe, even when it hurts.
A person who once wanted to heal now unconsciously maintains the pattern. Not because they are lazy or broken, but because the nervous system prefers a known prison over an unknown freedom.
The Comfort of Pain
So instead of changing the behaviour, we explain it.
We narrate it to our logical sense.
We repeat the story — to ourselves and to others. It becomes like an icebreaker in our relationships: “I was abused when I was a child.”
We call for pity and appreciation.
We label ourselves as a victim.
And each repetition carves the pattern deeper into the body.
Healing is not about denying trauma.
Healing is also not about endlessly talking about it.
Healing begins when we stop asking, “Why am I like this?”
and start asking
“What am I choosing to keep alive right now?”
At some point, awareness must move from the mind into the body.
From the story into sensation.
From explanation into experience.
The child in us may have been abandoned.
But the adult does not have to continue abandoning themselves by staying frozen in that story.
Trauma is not your fault.
But staying identified with it is a choice — often unconscious, yet still a choice.
Freedom begins the moment trauma stops being your excuse
and becomes your teacher.
Not something to hide behind,
but something to move through.
It becomes your lesson in life that makes you stronger, not keeping you in victimhood.
The emotional charge in this memory is given to you for a leap –
A change that you can make to get out of this pain.
Not spreading the pain to others, looking for approval, for compassion.
It is your pain, and you are the one who can change it into your strength.
If you resonate with this pattern, Read more about this HERE.
Earthchild 