I finally did my first ayahuasca ceremony here on Koh Phangan island. After years of calling and asking the Universe to give me an opportunity to experience the plant medicine I finally gave up. I stopped thinking about it and lost my interest. Then all of a sudden I was surrounded by people all talking about it, sharing their experiences and preparing for the next ceremony. For some of those girls it was second or even third time to do the ceremony. I had the right amount of money in my pocket, so me and my friend from New York decided to join them. It was a ceremony for nine people from around the world, mostly women. Ceremony was held by a British guy, who was very strict and serious. During the trip I found out how strong my mind is to keep everything in order. I had to take three doses to get deeper into myself. I figured that I need to change my mind domination and get connected with my heart.
I realized that for my whole life I have been looking for home but my real home is in my heart. “Your heart loves You!” she said. This was the most important message for me. I realized that no matter what my mind is up to, my heart will always forgive. It radiates unconditional love. The plant helped me to clean my body from old energies, showed me the way to enlightenment. I saw myself standing above my illusion just a step away from waking up from the dream. For eight hours I had to sit and meditate. Instead of lying and dreaming in wonderland we had to sit without any support for the back. It was such a pain for me. Every time Ayahuasca wanted to take me on a journey, I was forced to come back and witness the pain in my bottom and spine. But then I was looking at a girl sitting in front of me. After all these hours she was still and calm. It motivated me to keep on trying and at the end I found peace and I felt that I could sit there for hours more.
“Flee from the city!” she said to me. Ayahuasca encouraged me to meditate more and find my way to my heart. We all need to connect to the heart, especially now when the times are changing. For me it was such a challenge to overcome the pain and totally let go of control. After the ceremony we staid on a terrace watching the stars and the Milky-way, eating fresh fruits and then we went to the beach for a swim with the sunrise. We were swimming naked in pink-red water. The sea was warm and gentle like mother womb. I think I will need months to embody this deep experience with the plant medicine. I’m not willing to do it again.